Friday, May 10, 2013

It is everything to her, it is all she needs.

She desperately wanted to be standing on the top of a hill, flowers covering it as far as she could see. Her arms are outstretched and the wind is blowing through her hair. It is just her, those flowers, and the wind, her creator is so close she can barely breathe. She knows deep within her heart that it is just the two of them there on that hill. As much as she thinks that she has become stronger, she is just as weak as she always was. Her heart and mind are just as fragile as they have always been. She tries to pretend that it doesn't hurt, she has already been through so much, surely it shouldn't hurt as much. She still tries to escape, she just wants it all to go away. In her mind, all the pressures of the world just float away as she stands a top that hill. All the thoughts of being beautiful, or skinny, or perfect...They just go away. As she just stands there having a breath or two alone, without anybody else. She sees the person she wishes to be but it seems so far away. She sees how much simpler it would all be, if only she were stronger. She is so weak, desperate for her savior. Desperate for a few seconds alone with just Him and her. As much as she would like to say she has it all together, she doesn't at all. But that is the beauty of it all to her, she knows that He can be her strength in this desperate time of weakness. She knows that she can close her eyes and be on that hilltop. Looking back at her life she knows that He was her strength in the times of pain, she knows that she can't be strong without Him. Even though she can't escape all of her problems, or all of the struggles she deals with. She knows that no matter what her God is still holding her in His hands. That hilltop she dreams of is what the peace feels like when she cries out His name, knowing that she cannot possibly live in this world without Him. His peace is a hilltop in her finite mind, there is no other way she can describe it. It is more than words. It is more than even a feeling. It is perfect and she can't begin to understand it. To her, it is a sunny slightly windy day. It is the warmth of the sun against her face as she looks up and closes her eyes stretching out her arms, the wind blowing through her hair. It is knowing that Her savior loves her and cares for her. No matter the struggle, no matter the pain. She can close her eyes, and remember the hope that she finds in Him alone. That is everything to her, it is all she needs. 

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