random me.

The Lord has been doing some crazy things in my life lately, he has asked me to do something kind of strange, and I am honestly a little scared, but nothing is impossible for him. It took me a good week or so to really grasp that statement though, nothing is impossible for him?
"Jesus looked at them and said, 'with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 
I had a moment the other night in my car, I had a really hard frustrating and just downright confusing day so I just let myself start crying. I began calling out for my Father,
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you" Jeremiah 29:12
I kept asking if he could hear me and saying "I just want to feel you and I need you to comfort me because I feel safe in your arms." He has set my heart on something that seems very unreasonable. But in that moment of utter confusion and just pure sadness, he overwhelmed me with joy, my crying turned to literal laughter...I was cracking up for no reason. Except there was a reason, he heard me calling out Father, he knew my need and he comforted me. Now, all the confusion didn't all of sudden make sense to me in that moment, and all the things that seemed so strange were still strange to me...But I felt so much joy in that moment that it didn't matter. I know that he has a plan, and I am hopeful in the fact that my future reward will be great.
"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven..." Matthew 5:11
As tough as it seems to be, I have a hope for an eternal future with my Father in heaven who can change my mood from complete confusion/sadness to uncontrollable laughter and a joy that is incomparable in mere seconds. The Holy Spirit was with me in that moment and I know it, I feel sorry for anybody who has never experienced the Holy Spirit like that. It is seriously the best feeling ever, I can't even fathom what it will be like in heaven. He is the only thing that is good in me, and I owe him my life. If he is asking me to do something that I might think is crazy, I will do it because he has a plan that is far greater than my own. I love him and I trust, I will follow him. It is the only way I want to live. Out of his hand is not an option. I have had my time of rebellion and it was so selfish and completely not worth it. I want to walk in his will always and that is one of my daily prayers, to be away from him seems so scary to me now. I fear my life without him. I cannot imagine it! No matter what I do he will never change, he is the same God today as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow. Sometimes we just have to be still and listen, he will speak. It might not be the way we as humans would expect but he will speak. He was speaking to me that night in my car and asking me to be patient and just trust him. I thought I trusted him, but I was worrying and stressing instead of casting my anxieties on him and trusting him with them (1 Peter 5:7). I love it when he teaches me something that I thought I already had a good grip on. It just reminds me of his grace, and his perfect timing. I needed to learn that in that exact moment, and that is when he revealed to me that I really wasn't trusting him, it was amazing. Walking with him isn't always going to be easy (Matthew 7:13-14), and I am not always going to get answers exactly when I want them but I will trust in him and his timing. He has also been teaching me to love like he does. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
 Not only do I see now where I am failing to love others the way he has called us all to love; but I didn't love him the way I should of. I can honestly say I am falling in love with him. I hear songs like Loving You is Easy and think "it is so easy to love you Jesus." The line "being with you is the only place I want to be..." is so real to me now, being in his presence is the only place I want to be. Loving him is easy, I mean how could I not love him? He is love, he has literally done so many things for me because he loves me and cares for me. I just now am learning and experiencing the love that I have for him. It doesn't seem right to say I haven't always loved him, because I thought I did. But now it is a much deeper more real love. He is teaching me what it means to love the right way. I am so glad that he is teaching me these things because it is crucial that I learn them in order to move forward in my life. I don't want to just live life the way the "world" thinks is right. I want to live it the way my Lord says is right.