Thursday, April 19, 2012

2:50 a.m.

So since the name of this blog seems to give away what time it is I guess I can go ahead and say that I am writing this because I cannot sleep. I am also rather bored and my eyes hurt from reading. So I figured it was "time" to do another blog. This blog isn't going to be about any one specific thing, just some random thoughts. Whatever comes to mind I guess. First I would absolutely like to talk about relationships. For some strange reason I have been in the mood lately to have a boyfriend. I'm not sure why and would really like this idea to just pack up and leave my mind for good, but unfortunately it has been camping out and running a muck in my head for at least a couple weeks. I kind of love the idea of being single, and I love that I have been able to be single and happy for such a long time now. I hate it when I try and convince myself that I would be happier in a relationship. The really sad part is that I don't even like anybody. There isn't even a boy that is making me feel this way. I have been praying a lot about it and have been asking for some help on what to do. God knows my heart better than anyone else and he knows every thought I make, so I usually always ask him what in the world I'm thinking whenever a "crisis" like this happens. Actually, I basically talk to him about any and everything. He really is a great listener, and the really cool part is that his advice is the best. Reason being is that he is the one that I am living for. I suppose I should let you guys in on the secret. The secret I have so sadly been keeping to myself. You see, God is the whole reason I am even sitting here at 3:02 a.m. writing this blog. He is the only reason that I am even able to have crazy thoughts of wishing I was in a relationship. He is the only reason I would even be able to love. Because he is love. This concept I've heard before but haven't really understood it. I guess because I had never really considered why people say it or even think it. God, my father, your father; created us and loved us sooo much that he gave his one and only son to die for our sins..Sure I've read this before and I do understand it. Or at least I thought I did. My God, the only reason I am even alive right now, loves me. He loves me and has always loved me. He loved me when I decided to hate him. He loves me all the time, at all times. Even now at 3:10 a.m. he loves me. He loved me before I was even born. He loved me enough to even allow me to be born! He is the creator. He created love. How crazy is that concept. It kind of blew my mind when it all hit me. My God loves me even despite all the horrible things I have done. I want to love like that, I want my future husband to love me like that. I pray that he will teach me and show me how to love like he does. I want him to change my heart and make it like his. I pray that he will show me what it means to truly love someone, everyone. I want to be able to feel what it feels like to love, truly love someone with the love of Christ. My savior loves me, he loves me. I am so thankful that I finally realized that not only did he die for me, but he still continues to do all these amazing things for me. All because he loves me and has always loved me. It's 3:18 a.m. and he still loves me, and what a great love it is. 

.....Guess I was wrong when I said it would be random thoughts, but this is the first time I have written all this down and it was very random. Did not intend for this to be about love, but I think that is why I love it so much. Haha. Well, it is officially 3:42 a.m. and I think it is time for me to go to sleep.

God is love.

No comments:

Post a Comment